Check out this piece from Jezebel:  “Working in Groups Makes Women Feel Dumb”.  Does it make you feel dumb, or just lose patience because others can’t keep up? I’d love to hear more about how you feel about working in groups.

The Year End Quickstart Sale is on!

I didn’t ask for it. I didn’t ask for anyone to help me kick off a year-end sale of the “How to Ask for Money Quickstart Program”. But it happened.

Today in ForbesWoman, Erica Nicole writes a nice piece called “How to Ask for What You Want–And Get It All“. It includes some great advice around making a list of what your business needs, a list of experts who can help you get it and asking for 5-minute  phone calls from each. A pretty cool strategy. And fine, if you are completely over your fears of asking.

Which is where I come in.

Starting today you can get 50% off the How to Ask for Money Quickstart Program, the quickest way to start banishing your asking-for-money fears, and to grab a whole pile of tools to give you the confidence to get your business growing. Head on over to the Year End Sale page for all the scoop.

If you’re  serious about getting it all this year, you need to crank up your courage to ask for it. The Year End Quickstart Sale is the perfect time to get everything you need to start doing just that. But hurry…this great offer will go away soon.

Last week I had my annual meeting with my financial advisor. He’s a great guy, really knows his stuff. And believe it or not was a philosophy teacher in his former life. After we go over my numbers (which are doing well, by the way), his new girlfriend, a rabbi, joins us. And the conversation gets interesting.

The philosopher-advisor posits:

I recently read a statement by an economist who suggested that, if we are paid based on our value, then women are obviously providing 78% of the value a man is providing in the same work. Now, I don’t necessarily agree with this statement, but you do have to consider that women take time off to have children, etc.

I rebutted that in countries where parental leave policies are more equal than they are here in the U.S., the time-off argument is much less of an issue. I also stated that many studies have shown that women are much better at multi-tasking at men, so time-in-office shouldn’t be an argument for higher pay. The rabbi quietly agreed. Since this was the first time we had met, I imagine I might have been scaring her a bit with my vehemence.

Advisor-philosopher replied, “OK, but I still don’t think that makes up for a 22% shortfall in equity.”

“You’re right.” I replied. “It’s because most women either don’t know what they’re worth, or they’re afraid to ask for it.”

“Absolutely!” said the rabbi. The three of us then launched into an animated discussion of how to empower women with the data to know what they’re worth and the confidence to ask for it. That’s a story for another day.

Speaking of stories…NPR’s “All Things Considered” had one on just this topic yesterday. Check it out…

Yesterday was Election Day here in the US. And the vast majority of voters decided that they wanted (yet another) big change. In general, we are really good at embracing change when it means we can do it in a group of thousands of people. Ask us to make a change all on our own, and most of us freeze. Why is that?

Do we need to feel like we’re not the only one making a change?

Do we need support of others to make the change happen?

Do we lack the confidence in our own individual ability to decide a change is necessary?

I see this all the time with my clients. Intelligent, skilled, powerful women who cannot take that first step to ask for what they are truly worth. They say things like:

Oh, that’s what I’ve always charged. I’d have to change all my materials if I change my price.

The economy is so tough. My customers/clients can’t afford to pay what I’m really worth.

Who in their right mind would pay me that much money?

Now, when these women get together, they find it much easier to take the first step towards positive change. I see this in my own Mastermind group. In fact, we recently supported one of our members to embrace her own value and ask for what her incredible services are worth.

I’ve got some thoughts on why this happens, especially for women. And I’ll be sharing them here, of course. I’ll also be discussing this topic on my complimentary teleseminar tomorrow. In the meantime, I’d love to hear what you think. Why is it so hard to change alone, and so incredibly easy to change in a large group?

If you are tired of resenting your clients, or feeling like some kind of a sham for asking for what you’re worth, I hope you’ll join me for 5 Ways to Crank Up Your Courage to Ask for–and Get–What You’re Worth. The call happens on Thursday, November 4 at 3PM PDT/6PM EDT. During our hour together, we’ll cover:

1. Getting Clear on What You Really Want
2. Understanding What You’re Really Worth
3. Identifying What You’re Really Afraid Of
4. 3 Key Strategies You Can Use Right Now
5. How to Build Your Confidence to Get Your True Value…Every Time!

Just enter your name and email below, and I’ll make sure you’re on the call.

My original retreat agenda went something like this:

1. Drive to the location.
2. Unpack car.
3. Eat junk food, watch TV and knit.

Then I thought about my goals for the retreat. And realized that the above agenda just wasn’t going to cut it.  So I worked backwards. What did I really want to get out of this experience?

First, I wanted to celebrate and fully own my skills, accomplishments and general wonderfulness. Lately, I have been called (OK, it’s been more like hit over the head) to really embrace my unique talents and make an effort to avoid falling into the “If It’s Easy for Me, It Must Not Have Value” trap.

Second, I’ve been through a bunch of transitions this year, capped by my only child heading off to college 3,000 miles away. I feel like I’ve been trying to shed an old skin, yet unsure what the new me will look like. By the way, did you know that when a snake sheds its skin it never looks back at it?

Third, I wanted to treat myself well. That meant junk food and TV were off the agenda.

Once I thought through my goals, I sat down to redo the agenda. Here’s what came out:

Friday Night

1. Arrive at location.
2. Unpack.
3. Have a glass of wine on the deck, overlooking the ocean at sunset.
4. Eat a healthy dinner.
5. Clear and consecrate the space.
6. Express gratitude for arriving safely.
7. Write down and post retreat goals (yes, I brought a flip chart and markers with me).
8. Early to bed.

Saturday

1. Celebrate all I’ve accomplished, wash away old skin, step into new skin
2. Visit a nearby lighthouse:  symbol of lighting the way
3. Walk on the beach, getting as close as possible to the ocean. Ocean is very healing for me.
4. Back to cottage for lunch
5. Work on signature presentation for 2 hours
6. Write for 30 minutes or more about experience of the day
7. Acknowledge the gifts of the day on the deck at sunset.
8. After dinner, unwind and relax with knitting and reading for pleasure.

Sunday

1. Summarize learnings/gifts from retreat.
2. Identify at least one small thing to do quickly.
3. Identify at least one large thing to start working on.
4. Express gratitude.
5. Pack up.
6. Release the space.
7. Head home.

Now, did I actually stick to this agenda? And what actually happened on my retreat? That will have to wait for another post.

Isn't this graphic great? It's the one accompanying my interview for the Get Inspired! project.

Recently I had the pleasure of being interviewed by Toni Reece for her Get Inspired! project. Toni was inspired by Julie and Julia, and decided to do an interview a day for a year with inspiring people. She’s in the last month of her project, so I got in just in time!

It’s a short interview (about 15 minutes), but packed with insightful questions from Toni, and hopefully-inspirational responses from me. Head on over to the Get Inspired! project, and see/hear why collaboration has been so important to me.

Go on…why not take 15 minutes to get inspired?

(c) Pallotta Teamworks

For those of us working in/with the nonprofit community, Dan Pallotta’s writings can be polarizing. I personally admire and respect him and his work, and I’d love to be able to have dinner with him sometime. His most recent post at the Harvard Business Review is the latest in a long line of reasons he is one of my heroes. Check it out, and let me know what impossible work you’re tackling right now.

How appropriate that Kathryn Bigelow won the Oscar last night! Today is International Women’s Day.

Wondering how you might celebrate this day? Which woman is worthy of your respect and attention today? How about YOU? Yes, you. Today of all days, you should be able to put yourself first. Tell people you’re celebrating a holiday. Go ahead, be selfish.

I started thinking about this topic during a discussion of “What You Wish You Knew Then”. People were talking about the differences in their lives once they discovered that what makes them happy is just as important as what makes other people happy.

It really is true…if you are not happy, then it’s likely that no one around you is happy. Sounds self-centered to some people, especially women, but it’s not. And it is not even close to Gordon Gecko’s philosophy of “Greed is good.”

The late Thomas Leonard, the founder of Coach University, said, “When you become truly selfish, you’ll have the extra reserves needed to really care about—and be generous with—others.”

Think about it. When you truly take care of yourself, only then can you have the reserves necessary to be generous with others. How many of us have this backwards? We take care of everyone (and everything) else, and leave ourselves for last. How can we even think about being generous with what we don’t have to give? For many of us, this phenomenon is a significant contributor to our stress levels. And we’re accomplishing great things in spite of our stress levels, so what’s wrong with that?

The obvious answer is burnout. We see it all around us. Friends, colleagues and family members who are stuck in careers they don’t want, in relationships that are going nowhere, living lives they didn’t choose—their gifts and talents going underutilized, or being buried under the pile of “shoulds”.

Perhaps the real benefit of becoming selfish is giving your gifts and talents room to develop. “Gifts and talents need nourishment; they don’t blossom fully without it. If you’ve got a special talent or gift—and most of us do—become selfish for the sake of that if you cannot bring yourself to be selfish for your own sake.” (Thomas Leonard, again.)

We each have been given an incredible opportunity. I believe we all owe it to the world to live the best life we possibly can. There’s no point to doing otherwise. Are you doing that? I know I’m not, but I am getting better at it. Maybe if each of us gets a bit more selfish, we’ll not only be living the lives we want and deserve, but being more generous with each other and changing our world as we go.

Now the question is, “Where do I even begin to be more selfish?” Try scheduling some time each week, when it really is “all about you”…and keep the appointment!  Time to read a book, take a bath, get outdoors, write in your journal (or work on that novel)—whatever you need to do more of to take care of your self. You’ll be surprised how quickly you (and your friends and family) see a change.

Go ahead…make your self happy!

Today is March 4th. Which is a homonym for March Forth! Let me make an argument for doing just that.

Awhile back I met a friend and colleague for lunch. We were going to continue a previous discussion about how we might work together. I thought I was so prepared. I had outlined a really cool workshop we could deliver together. Target audiences, key messages, logistics, the whole shebang.

She read it through, put down my masterpiece, and said, “That’s it?” I was crestfallen. This woman and I have literally been talking for years about how we could work together to empower women to change their world.

“That’s it?” I was crushed. “What do you mean?” I asked.

“This is good. But I was thinking we could create a whole program—not just a workshop.”

Anyone (or any fish) can think big!

Oh…she wanted more! She was thinking big; I was thinking small. We spent the next half hour brainstorming what a program might look like, and who our ideal clients would be. We were both excited about our prospects, and had clear next steps to research our market. We are now putting the finishing touches on our program description, and getting it ready to present to potential partners. And I’ve discovered that any program can be broken down into smaller workshops or other products, which doubles our revenue possibilities!

This experience really challenged me to look at my goals and objectives, and my plans for my life and my business. Was I thinking too small about everything? Possibly. But my brain was beginning to hurt. I couldn’t handle thinking bigger about every aspect of my business and my life. But I could deal with a little mind expansion in one area at a time. So, I’m focusing my efforts on this new program (more about this in future post), and on creating a few really powerful ways to work with professional women that fit easily into their lives, schedules and budgets.

Yes, thinking big created a bit more work on my end. But thinking big also created a lot more opportunities—not only for my clients to get mentoring and solutions that work for them, their budgets and their schedules—but for me too. More opportunities to work with women who want to transform their lives and their world by asking for (and getting) the money they deserve; more opportunities to diversify and expand my business. Everybody wins.

Is there an area of your life or your business that you’re thinking too small about?

Today is also National Grammar Day. One way to celebrate is by watching this…